If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
