I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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