the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
