Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
