Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
