Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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