Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
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I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
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There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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