Whoa Z and x make the same sound
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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