Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
