Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
