nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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