Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
