remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
You took a bar mat shot.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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