I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
