Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
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Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
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If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
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