it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
