Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
