walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
