margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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