I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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