FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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