Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize