That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
