The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
