I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
