Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
