He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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