I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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