Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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