Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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