she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
