I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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