BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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