Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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