a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
