It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
