I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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