2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Randomize
