the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
