i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
