I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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