Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
