It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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