I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
