Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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