It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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