someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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