Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
