peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
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He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
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I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
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