wake up i wanna do it froggy style
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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