Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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