Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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