the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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