SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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