I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
