I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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