Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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