i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
