Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
